Regretsy's Royal Wedding

KEEP CALM AND PRESS ON

by Helen Killer
in regretsy.com

IT’S LIKE THOSE FUCKING BRITS HAVE A CUP FOR EVERYTHING

Anyway, I am thrilled with the quality of this new addition, and the attention to almost all of the details. In fact, I was so happy with my purchase, I was inspired to create my own royal wedding cocktail, which I intend to drink from this cup as I watch the proceedings on every fucking television station on earth for at least an entire day.

HIGH TEA

1 part vodka
1 part Tequila
1 part rum
1 part gin
1 part triple sec
1 1/2 parts sweet and sour mix
1 splash Coca-Cola®
1 Hydrocodone

Mix ingredients together over ice in your

commemorative cup. Pour into a shaker and give one brisk shake. Pour back into your cup and make sure there is a touch of fizz at the top. Garnish with your own bitter tears.

How incredible is that?

GIVE ME THE PRECIOUS

by Helen Killer
in regretsy.com

How incredible is that? Amazeballs, that’s how. And the little ring is embroidered in gold metallic thread, just to make you even more jealous and unpleasant. Now, we’re a little nerdy over here, and we definitely could have found a place in our home for this. Next to the replica of Darth Vader’s lightsaber, perhaps. Or maybe alongside our oil on velvet of Admiral Ackbar.

I feel nothing

It’s The Great Wall of Vagina,

Charlie Brown (NSFW)

by Helen Killer
in regretsy.com

I guess I’m just twatted out. I have seen so much vulvacraft in the last year and a half that it barely registers. If you attached electrodes to my head and measured my response to vagina art, it would probably be the same level of interest as watching Dog the Bounty Hunter. Unlike the women who showed up and had hardened plaster ripped from their loins, I feel nothing.